Only Ever
by faorism
Summary: Non-AU kakairu. There was only ever Kakashi.


**Only Ever**

_Author_: fallen-angel-of-repression  
_Series_: Naruto  
_Pairing_: Kakashi/Iruka  
_Genre_: Romance/Hurt/Comfort  
_Word Count_: 2708  
_Progress_: Complete.  
_Notes_: M. Non-AU, but no spoilers. One-shot.

_Summary_: There was only ever Kakashi.

_Disclaimer_: I do not own the Naruto franchise or any characters or events that align with those of the series, and do not claim to do so. I also do not claim to own any copyrighted items, any items not copyrighted but still owned by another party, any real locations I may mention, or crossed-over characters I may incorporate. I do own this story, the plot, and any original characters or locations I create.

-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-

"Yo."

"Good afternoon, Kakashi-sensei. Do you have a report for me?"

"Unfortunately, no. I misplaced it."

"Are you busy right now?"

"Yes, Umino-sensei. I am needed right away, but I wanted to stop by to see if someone can send a copy of the forms to me."

"I see. Well, since you were responsible enough to come here, I guess I can bring the forms to your place."

"Excellent!"

-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-

Iruka accepted the other's clumsy tongue without a trill of hesitation, even though the young brunet knew that this man—Katsu (or was it Katsumi?)—was not the pick of the litter. Other than a light scar on his otherwise plain face, there was nothing that really distinguished this blond jounin from any other man—whether he be nin or not.

Actually, Iruka had mistaken the blond as a civilian the first few times they ran into one another at the market near the chuunin housing. Iruka only found out that the man was a nin that very morning, when the blond appeared in the mission room to hand in a report. To say that the brunet was shocked would be an understatement: he gawked for a few seconds longer than he should have in a room full of nin. Iruka could tell right away the jounin was weak in terms of chakra-supply and strength. From his fellow desk-mates, the chuunin learned that the blond was also rude and obtrusively intimidating. And now, Iruka knew first hand that Katsu(mi)'s voice rasped when he spoke—or rather, barked; he was aggressively arrogant in the few skills he was actually good at (he specialized in weapons); and he sneered at the brunet when he asked whether it would be he or Iruka who penetrated ("You can't be seriously asking me that, kid").

But, for all Katsu(mi)'s faults, he would do for the night... He had to. There had to be someone else; someone who was not—not—

There just had to be someone else who made him feel as right.

-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-

"Yo."

"Good morning, Kakashi-sensei. Do you have a report for me?"

"I do not."

"And why would that be?"

"My vacation just started. I've not had a mission for three days."

"Then why are you here?"

"I must have gotten lost on the way home."

"I see."

"Well, I must be going then. I hope to spend another peaceful night curled up on my bed with a copy of my beloved... um, Icha Icha Paradise."

"I see."

"See you around, Umino-sensei."

-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-

All the men he slept with name's began with K, because Iruka had finally trained himself to only whimper "Kaaaah" and "K," so that his partner did not know which K he was really thinking of.

-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-

"Yo."

"Good morning, Kakashi-sensei. Do you have a report for me?"

"Sadly, no."

"Dare I ask why?"

"I was walking down the street, on my way to deliver the bundle of paperwork, when I saw the most beautiful vision of a person. This person was everything I ever envisioned for a life-mate, although the way in which the vision had organized its hair was a bit annoying. I could tell that this vision would be the embodiment of glory and all that is wonderful and good if only it let its hair loose. So I put my papers down for an instant in order to tell that to the vision. I stalked up to it, but when I got close enough, I fell victim to its beauty once again for it smiled at the child it was speaking to. I was frozen in space and time, only to recover when the vision escaped. When I regained my senses, I searched for my report, only to find it missing."

"You do realize that I stopped paying attention before you even started?"

"You did?"

"Does it matter? I'm really busy right now, Kakashi-sensei, and I don't have time for your tales. I'll drop the paperwork when my shift is over."

"But... Okay. Thank you, Umino-sensei."

-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-

Kaede preferred women, but he would be willing to be with Iruka if the chuunin accepted him. He would be a good boyfriend too. He would treat Iruka right. He would grow to love the brunet, and would know how to show him passion. He would want people to know that Iruka was his. He would not want to share the schoolteacher. He would not let the chuunin sleep with random men. He would make sure Iruka felt whole and satisfied and loved. He would never let Iruka go. He would care. He would flirt in public openly. He would tell the schoolteacher, in front of their friends, to spend the night .

He would be Iruka's.

He would be... He would be everything Ka—Kakashi was not.

But Iruka wouldn't—no, couldn't accept Kaede because, although the man would grow to love the brunet, the chuunin already loved someone else.

-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-

"Yo."

"Good evening, Kakashi-sensei. Do you have a report for me?"

"Yes, Umino-sensei. Here you go."

"Kakashi-sensei."

"Yes, Umino-sensei?"

"The ink is completely smeared."

"I was in such a rush to get it in on time, that I folded it immediately after I finished. I misjudged how long it would have to dry. I apologize, Umino-sensei. I guess I'll be needing a new one."

"Let me guess. You are needed, and must leave right away, and you need someone to drop off the forms later on tonight so as not to hand the report any later."

"Yes, Umino-sensei."

"Kakashi..."

"Umino-sensei. It would make me greatly delighted if you were to drop them off tonight."

"Fine."

"Thank you."

-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-

Kiyoshi was entirely different than Kazuki (which was Katsu(mi)'s actual name) and Kaede. He was different from the others, too: Keiichi, and Kichirou, and Kohaku, and Kunio, and... the rest. Albeit simple in appearance, they were always different in their personalities and needs. Some were hypersensitive to every touch Iruka laid on them, while others barely acted if Iruka mattered. Some were quiet—some were loud—some were rough—some were not so rough—some grunted—some hissed—some groaned—some yelled—some gulped—some made Iruka swallow—some asked Iruka politely to swallow—some licked—some bit—some liked riding—some liked being ridden—some liked nipple-play—some liked role-play—some liked rimming—some liked fisting—some liked palming—some liked fingering—

Kakashi liked to act as though he were making love to Iruka, rather than a simple fuck between two near-strangers.

Kiyoshi liked the chuunin, and the chuunin liked him... even if it wasn't any more than a simple affection for a co-worker. Yes, they found each other endearing. Iruka appreciated Kiyoshi's devotion to his students: more often than not, he would be sitting in the teacher's lounge, marking tests and preparing the next day's lessons. Kiyoshi appreciated Iruka's fiery honesty.

Iruka knew that the other schoolteacher might be interested in more than just tonight. But no matter how endearing the brunet thought the other man was, tonight would be all that Kiyoshi got.

-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-

"Yo."

"Kakashi."

"What's this, Umino-sensei? Where are your usual pleasantries?"

"Let me guess. You lost your papers, and want me to bring them to you tonight."

"I cannot be that predictable."

"Yes, Kakashi-sensei. Yes, you are."

-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-

Iruka hated this one: Koji. He was vicious, and tactless, and vindictive. Iruka should have stopped him—should have stopped Koji from freeing his engorged erection—but... all Iruka could do was kiss Koji, telling himself that it would end soon enough.

Iruka never felt more ashamed in his life.

-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-

"Yo."

"Good morning, Hatake-sensei. Do you have a report for me—which, I might add, is three days late?"

"I seemed to have misplaced it. Do you mind giving me a copy of the forms?"

"I think there might be some in the storage room. I suggest asking someone on break to retrieve it for you."

"Myah, Umino-sensei! It sounds as though you're trying to get rid of me."

"Izumo-san. I'm sorry to disrupt your conversation, but may you escort Hatake-sensei to the storage room?"

"Sure. Come on, Kakashi."

"_Iruka?_"

"Izumo-san is calling you, Kakashi-sensei."

"_Iruka, what's wrong?_"

"Kakashi! I don't have all day! Let the man get back to work and follow me."

-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-

No one could ever compare to the fair-haired wonder that was Hatake Kakashi.

No matter how many men the schoolteacher had gone through, there would never be someone like the elusive ex-ANBU, nor was there ever someone who drew passion from Iruka as easily. That knowledge made the transition from casual fuck-buddies to acquaintances all the more difficult for the brunet. Iruka craved the euphoria he only felt when Kakashi's lips trailed the bronze-tinted curves of his muscles, or when the older man shivered when he gingerly sheathed himself within Iruka, or when he smiled without a single complaint as the chuunin slid inside his delicious heat when the mood struck them. Iruka craved to have that lithe form and all its parts move above—below—beside—inside—around him with those quick, serpentine movements no other man could ever duplicate. And more than anything else, Iruka desired that dauntingly—hauntingly—beautiful face to look upon him once more with that guarded but calm expression that only showed up after orgasm.

-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-

"Good afternoon, Hatake-sensei. Do you have a report for me? Wait, isn't this on time?"

"Yes it is, Umino-sensei. I was with several other jounin yesterday, and Kazuki-san mentioned that you two might begin dating. As my way of giving you some congratulations, I thought getting this report in on time would be enough."

"How thoughtful of you, but I am sad to say that you have been misinformed."

"Oh?"

"I am only sleeping with Kazuki."

"Oh."

"Although now that I know he is talking about me to his friends, I do not plan on continuing that relationship."

"Oh."

"Thank you for the report, Hatake-sensei."

-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-

No amount of loneliness should have scared Iruka into begging Kakashi for forgiveness, but the scenario of reunion tempted the chuunin's mind every moment—every single second of time that it found. Iruka reminded himself of the pain: how Kakashi came into his room at night to crawl into bed expecting sex, which the older man always got. Iruka knew so little about Hatake Kakashi, and he knew even less about what made the nin's heart strong and oddly pure despite all the trauma and hardships its owner has faced. He knew so little, but oh!—did Iruka want more.

What was keeping him from Kakashi? Pride—fear of rejection—embarrassment—choler—pure ignominy?

He was sick of the loneliness. He was sick of starving himself from the only person who made him feel... anything other than apathy. After the dozens of one-, two-, three- and four-night stands, it was now that he realized what was important. It was now... The time was now to risk the very little he had to hopefully gain so much more.

-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-

"Yo," Iruka whispered as soon as the door swung open. The fact that it did almost surprised him into speechlessness: the chuunin had not bothered hiding his chakra signature, so his identity was revealed long before the moment he knocked. On top of who he was, it was some unruly time in the middle of the night. If the positions were switched, Iruka would not have opened the door, let alone acknowledge his presence—even if being "acknowledged" meant that Kakashi was only staring at him with a guarded, unfathomable resolve. Having that crisp blue eye on him (knowing that its companion itched to look at him too) was enough for Iruka to feel a definite wave of calm wash over him.

"It is a surprise to have you here, Umino-sensei."

Iruka's arms, which were already tightly wound about his waist, pushed themselves deeper around each other. Oh, that voice affected him not nothing else. "Please take me back."

The ex-ANBU blinked several times, his face the picture of impassive contemplation. After several moments of this quiet exchange, Kakashi exhaled heavily as he motioned for Iruka to come inside. The brunet did as Kakashi wanted before the jounin had a chance to reconsider. Hearing the door close behind him, Iruka turned back to Kakashi, who had already pulled the hitate away from its usual spot. "Before I comment," the taller man said steadily, "I must ask: why?"

Kakashi's eyes wandered up and down Iruka's defeated form, drinking in each detail of how the chuunin handled his body, and what it meant. Knowing what the older man was doing, Iruka stood still as a part of him relished in the attention. Only Kakashi could look Iruka over and make the latter man feel good about himself, rather than used or demeaned. Only Kakashi would even bother to look for something deeper within Iruka's naughty-schoolteacher routine; only Kakashi discovered that the brunet had other interests and facets of his personality. But even with this attention, Iruka almost started crying. He had nothing to say in defense of himself. There really was no reason for the fair-haired nin to take him back. Iruka simply wanted him—needed him—adored him.

There had always only been Kakashi.

Flushing more fiercely than he ever had before, Iruka shook his head and uttered, "This was a bad idea. I'm sorry for wasting your time. Good night, Ka—"

A hand's gentle touch on his wrist put a solid stop to Iruka's words. "I think you may have misunderstood me," the jounin mumbled. "How can I take you _back_?" When the new question was met with more confused silence, Kakashi sighed. "I am unable to take you back because you were never mine."

"I—I see. I—I'll just be leaving..."

Pulling on Iruka's wrist, the elder man drew the other closer until the brunet's folded arms pressed into Kakashi's chest. Iruka froze at the unexpected—and wondrously tender—proximity. Taking advantage of the stillness, Kakashi pressed his cloth-covered lips against the brunet's temple as he whispered, "I was never yours either. But definitely not by choice. You see, I am not one for flamboyant declarations of love, and neither are you. I could not find it within myself to ask you to be mine—in terms of exclusivity—just as you couldn't ask me to yours—in terms of an actual relationship. For two powerful, well-respected nin, we are rather cowardly in this field."

Iruka breathed in, letting the taller man's words settle in his mind. "Wait... this isn't supposed to be so simple."

"Oh, you silly, silly chuunin," Kakashi scolded with a strange edge of humor writ in his tone. "It's always been this simple." One of Iruka's eyebrows rose. "Err... Maybe that's a bit of a lie. But now, now it can be that easy."

"Are... you sure?"

"Myah, Iruka! I just gave the speech of my life, basically threw my heart out to you, and all you can do is question it. This is not what happens in Icha Icha Paradise, I will tell you that now."

Albeit hesitantly, Iruka stared deeply into the other's eyes, searching for anything distrusting or cruel, even though he already knew that there would be no such thing there. No, there was only affection. Well, affection and lust... but the lust was welcomed. With a desperate little smile, Iruka leaned up and put his lips against Kakashi's mask, moaning as the kiss was reciprocated. From where he stood, kissing the most handsome man he met, Iruka knew that there was only one person who could ever make him feel as right as he did now, and now that Iruka had him, there was no way he was letting him go.

(Not that Kakashi was letting go anytime soon. After all, three months without Iruka-sex? Oh, that sexy little vexen of a chuunin better prepare, because from the moment they wiggle out of their clothes to... some time in the distant future, all Iruka would know was THE EPIC HAWT MAN SECKS!!!111)

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The Beginning

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End file.
